GOLDEN GOLDEN

ms_electriclady @ 2009-09-23T05:50:00

2009-09-23T10:19:59Z

It's okay to become clear with acceptance of the past. Re-reading all of these entries made me laugh. 4 years ago, or maybe not even, I was just too much. Maybe, I'm still "too much" for shits and giggles. Yet, I love it this way. Life's pretty great. I say, I have my dramatic moments, who doesn't we are flesh and bone and heart and soul. More often, I have my great moments. Moments of not being "soo much".
I am not ashamed though, when I lash out. or share my emotions. Who said anything was wrong with that? I suppose, I learned what to share and what not to. Loving to chat your life away to strangers can kill the spirit. Sadly.

one must hold things for themselves, and within. Even when without, still within because it involves you. You, You, You. and the trust you have in yourself.

College is almost over. (Reality creeps around that bright ass corner, with a flashlight as a leprechaun chases you for the student loan money.) Holy shit, I'm erm erm an adult. Kind of scary shit to comprehend. Considering, I'm still lamping on my "refund check". To think, a year from now there will be no student accounts office to go to when needing beginning of semester rent money. Shit. To think.

After these years, I am happy for so much. HAPPY for the friends I've dropped, for they lead me to nowhere. See your friends, see yourself. Oh dear, did I see myself! I didn't like what I saw. An insecure, angry, bitching, attaching myself to labels girl. Not the real ME. The real me, who I am now, just doesn't create. I keep my distance from the negative and dramatic. If anything is going wrong in my life, its all on me. I'd rather have it this way, because that is when true trust and light from JAH will shine through. Happy for the solice. Togetherness. Experience.

The thing is--some people haven't transformed. They are the same, not entirely of course, but specifically in their actions. I still see the mass forming of cliques, and people who are lost. Not knowing where to turn or where to place their hearts. Instead grasping towards labels like "Activist" or "Vegan" or "Environmentalist" and the list can continue to be written. I am not saying labels do not have their needs and placement upon context. However, when one attributes to oneself and being the actions of whichever label they choose, just to be apart of something, they are doing themselves a dis-service. The soul shuts down and you become lost, needing this label to feel whole and complete. The word becomes your name, essentially. I see this here, in college, amoungst the very upper classmen. Surprised, a little bit. I semi-expected people to be working and balancing inner light like apples in their palms to feed themselves truth. It's a rarity.

Eh, I'm being judgemental, and overtly pure. I am. I know. I know. No-one's perfect. I suppose, Yet, I just speak out of discomfort. It's sad to still see individuals being negatively critical and dancing in the fire of drama, all the while knowing the scars don't heal as quick as they would like. Smh. I suppose some people like the regurgitated bile smelling taste of their words. Eh, but we all have to eat. I admit, when dinner is served, my words aren't always Organic or delicious.

It's odd, to be reading writing you wrote about ending high school and all the child-like things you cared for. The laughter can't describe the humiliation.

The universe is bigger than me. I'm sitting by a pond of overflowing interesting 'notions and thoughts. It's bigger than all of us. I'm imaging standing on top of one of the gorges I visited while in Ithaca. I'm a little tea-pot. Wow, that is so true. I am actually a tea-pot. Yeah, man.

This battle we're fighting...it's not ours.

Food for thought.
It's 6 am and I have a busy day tomorrow.

Bless.

ms_electriclady @ 2006-08-23T16:49:00

2006-08-23T20:47:26Z

i usually write in artsaves_theday my other lj
but i have to say.
today is going to be a sad day, my last day in the village :{

ms_electriclady @ 2006-08-21T09:52:00

2006-08-21T13:50:28Z

i leave for college this thursday morning,
oh dear.
im soo excited!

oreo cookie

2006-07-26T22:15:04Z

this is my last weekend at the bing summer eop program and im excittedd...to party with all my homes this weekend. anywho, i have a 5 page paper due next week on any topic of my choice. i chose to write about hippies and their involvement in the peace movement directed against the Vietnam War. the vietnam war is my favorite war to write about, i was strongly against that war. oh, how do i wish that i lived in the 60s. this era sucks. everyone here at bing says i dont dress "black enough"..well not everyone, some people..i believe it was the word "wierd". im sorry if i dont dress hip hop and all, but thats just me. ive always been this way. and im not changing myself to fit in with ignorant people. the thing that also bothers me about it is that minorities (like myself) dont like being stereotyped by white people, so why do they constantly keep the sterotype alive by judging anyone of color, thats just a tab bit different. i guess ill always be that oreo cookie, but whatever. i am what i am.

ms_electriclady @ 2006-07-23T20:16:00

2006-07-24T00:28:50Z

i havent written in this in a long long while. im up at binghamton now, and ive been up here for about 2 weeks. i miss my family and my vegan foods. there is never anything i can ever eat. i dont mind if this entry is public. life has beeennn so different lately, college is so much more different than highschool. however, in a lot of ways...its similar, people are still in that transitioning period. im at a loss of words, i write better when im not surrounded by a million people in the computer library.

ms_electriclady @ 2006-05-22T22:41:00

2006-05-23T02:45:38Z

he apoloqized to me today, but of course i had to approach him and ask him, if he got my angry email. he said yea, and i have to really talk to you and then he was like i apologize, i should i came out for you, no shit..asshole!. i dont forgive him, i told him i did, but i was totally pissed. i hate when people esp boys do shit like this. but larry told me that i would be meeting new ppl soon and if this was worth it, it would happen. obviously he isnt worth it. im soo fucking sick of school. i need this to be over. i want this to end, right now. i dont hate my life entirely, im happy at points, angry at points. mostly im only looking forward to buying my etta james albums and listening to billie holiday. ive lost intrest in some things, i want to start playing guitar again. i want to get sleep, i hardly get any..all i do is work and eat. i miss the days when i would come home early and chill and watch fresh prince. i dont know whats bothering me really, lots of things, people, places i go..its just that i need something new, and happy. everything feels so meloncholy.

ms_electriclady @ 2006-05-07T03:42:00

2006-05-07T08:07:12Z

i want to write a poem about the outcast
the loser
the one that never fit in
the one that people shit on because it was ever so easy to do.
i want to write a poem about the loner than never was invited to parties in high school
even after hearing it being bragged about around the halls
i want to write a poem for the lonely one.
the kid who looks in to cliques
and just passes them as they laugh
the one that stand all alone
i want to write a poem about the kid that gets fed up
and brings a gun to school in silence
i want to write a peom about kids who have thought about suicide
thinking ti would ease the pain of isolation
i even want to write a poem about the kids who casue pain
and ask why
the whole peom will be filled with questions as to why they do such things to people
i want to write a poem about the cocky.
who have nothing to be cocky about.
i want to write a poem about the hateful and grudgeful
and ask why they have such hates
such grudges
why?
i want to write a poem about the kid who was shunned by their freinds and didnt know why.
i want to write a poem about the kid who suddenly gets a new clique of freinds and ignores the freinds they had before
i want to write a poem about everyone
the mean
the cocky
the evil
the happy
the angry
the sad
the depressed
the homeless
and the poor
the abused
the lonely
the rich
the fat
the tall
the thin
i want to write about everyone and everthing
i wish there was more unity in the world.
i wish people werent so envious and jealous about material things
i wish more peolpe had backbones.
instead of walking around like puppets on strings and rolling their eyes over trivial things.
i wish people didnt think about their reputation soooooo much.

public

2006-04-27T04:03:46Z

baruch 06, can suck my cock.
lick my nipples.
and yes kiss my rather large ass.
stupid fucking pricks.
i want to punch so many people in the face.
its not even funny.
haha.
oh well yea, it is. hahaha.

DEAR KIDS,

2005-10-19T00:49:51Z

FREINDS ONLY
:evil laugh:

SHOOT TO BE ADDED LOVERS.

X.O